Call Me By My Names: 10 Meditations on (My) Gender

Post Soundtrack:
Jamila Woods: Holy

there’s no photos.*

there’s nothing here to show you who i appear to be yet writing this has made me feel seen in a way i didnt realize i needed to.

very few know this, but i have used Noirlinians for a very specific journey outside of telling my African tale. i made an intentional decision in my early 20s to use this space to explore and attempt to publicly claim femininity, something i had been in antagonistic relationship to my whole life. i have fiercely struggled against the imposition and constriction of femininity as someone who was assigned “female” at birth and have done so since i realized gender and its expressions were often either/or as a young child.

growing up, i did not easily see myself in what others referred to as femininity or girlhood or womanhood. i eventually internalized that this meant that any amount of femininity was not for me. through Noirlinians, i wanted to see if that was ACTUALLY true or more binary bullshit i’d been believing that keeps me from myself.

i at first found it strange that as i have gotten more secure in my identity as a gender fluid person,  i have found myself wishing for a deeper well of femininity to wade into. however, i soon happily accepted that the more secure in and closer i get to my true gender(s), the less fearful i feel about expanding and expressing femininity in whatever way affirms me, even if those expressions sometimes align with people’s traditional understandings of gender in the binary.

there was a time i thought to be gender fluid meant taking painstaking efforts to exist ONLY outside or beyond the binary. since then, i have come to understand that it means i make painstaking efforts to exist as myself in the reality of each moment.

this is the first writing of this kind i have shared publicly. i have been writing through my gender journey for years and am happy to report that enough journals have been filled with my tears and trepidations.

i am hoping that noirlinians, a place which has been so supportive in my exploration of the divine feminine, will also be a place i can explore my complete self and story. and if not, fuck yall go find someone elses blog to read 🙂

now for the actual post…

…its long. i dont care. im gonna pretend that me and D doing individual posts means i get to have the same total wordcount as when we did them together (mwahaahhhaahah jk jk we don’t ever count our words)

*i actually did a really amazing shoot with my friend moonlite for this post where i dressed as each one of my genders (see last section) and did the “don’t rush” challenge. instead of changing clothes though, i changed into all my selves but i got crippling dysphoria around posting this so i stalled this post SINCE APRIL with the excuse that it needed to be edited. my writing friend Michelle can tell you that the “lie detector results determined that was a lie”. its been ready for months, i just haven’t been. it can be hard when you identify with fluidity to name and present your genders when you’re not even sure they will remain or if others will be uncovered by the time a person gets to the end of the post. i had a show this weekend though where i read it for the first time aloud and i think im there so here you are…

it can be hard for me to edit pieces like this so excuse any typos/tense changes

Lost and Found

 

Denisio, age 21 circa 2005. Aspiring novelist and selfie-pro before selfies were a thing.

 

Post Soundtrack: Lianne La Havas Lost and Found

Hey Y’all, Denisio here. Since Mwende and I are currently in two seperate corners of the country and also since… COVID we’ve decided to do a couple of seperate posts, similar to our occasional freestyle posts. This week was mine and I thought it would be fun to share something I found recently that I thought was completely lost.

In college I decided that I wanted to write a novel loosely based on the lives of my grandmother, mother, and me. Three generations of Liberian women across two countries. I began to interview family members for it, did a whole lot of research (I miss having so much research access in college) and my senior year I began to write it, in this room below which was my little campus apartment…

I really tried to swag out my on-campus apartment lol. This was the bedroom where I wrote a good chunk of that novel

Ain’t Got No, I Got Life

Photos by Kimberly Coleman

Post Soundtrack:Ain’t Got No, I Got Life

Couturie Forest, City Park: The first time I picked up a camera, I was 20 years old and rediscovering myself after going through a personal tragedy the previous year. It’s been ten years since then, and still, photographer/creative/artist aren’t terms I’m comfortable with; but I’ve had moments when creating something was all I could think of doing. I remember the first time I ever had that feeling, I was in Couturie Forest. Admittedly, I haven’t picked up my camera in months, but when I talked to Mwende about shooting for Noirlinians, I couldn’t shake this image of them and Denisio surrounded by greenery, gazing directly at me, looking like a Warsan Shire poem come to life. 

Grandma’s Hands

Photos by Kimberly Coleman

Post Soundtrack: Grandma’s Hands 

The Lakefront: When I was asked to shoot for the blog, I knew I wanted to do something outside a traditional urban environment. I decided that the lake was a must. Photography is all about capturing and cementing memory, and the first time we were introduced to Noirlinians back in 2015, the lake served as a backdrop. I wanted to give a call back to that post and acknowledge that feeling of newness and anxiety when you do something for the first time.

Roam The Cosmos – Party Recap

Photos by Fernando Lopez  

Post Soundtrack: We Roam the Cosmos

ICYMI: On the final day of Essence weekend, we joined forces with Ascendance and The House on Claiborne for our biggest Afrobeat party yet! Click  the link below to see how the night went, via photography by Fernando Lopez (note: if you post a picture of yourself elsewhere, please be sure to credit him!)

Ham N’ Eggs

Photos by Jason Foster

Post Soundtrack: Ham N’ Eggs

ORETHA CASTLE HALEY BLVD: Over the years, I’ve come to know Oretha Castle Haley Boulevard as place where culture and forward thinking has been held and incubated. Back in 2012, in conjunction with Junebug Productions, I had the honor of making a short documentary about the late, great John O’Neal. Mr. O’Neal, a Civil Rights and theater legend, is the co-founder of the Free Southern Theater and founder of Junebug Productions. For a time, Free Southern Theater had a space on Oretha Castle Haley and Erato. I also worked as a projectionist on Lockdown, another Junebug production (a play this time), that was directed by my now wife, at Ashe. The cornerstone of the boulevard, Ashe has been integral in furthering the art, teachings and culture of the African Diaspora to New Orleans for twenty years and counting.One summer I taught a filmmaking class at Rethink, fast forward to the end of the semester and we held a gathering for all of the students, staff and teachers at Cafe Reconcile. There my students screened their films for family and friends. I also watched films, and screened a film of my own (shout out to Patois), at Zeitgeist which was, at the time, right across the street. The street was (and still is) a grounding force for me when I was getting my legs as an artist. It’s changed a lot since then (what hasn’t) but the lessons learned and the connections that I’ve made along way remain.

*NOTE: Some photos in this shoot were taken using a film camera*

5 Must Visit Black Spaces to Get Right for Essence Fest (w/two bonuses!)

Photos by Mwende Katwiwa and Denisio Truitt

It’s that time of the year again! Essence Festival is right around the corner and your two friendly neighborhood Africans are here with a short list of some of our favorite black-owned and black-centered spots to get our minds, bodies, and souls right for this very special weekend.

On the Regular

Photos by Malcolm Johnson
Post Soundtrack: On the Regular (Shamir)

NOIRLINIANS NOTE: We would like this blog to celebrate and be representative of all of the mediums we create with, one of those being poetry. For me (Denisio) my English Literature degree was actually with a concentration in creative writing and poetry. So I’ve been writing poems for as long as I’ve been able to write. But when Dopeciety became more successful I abandoned my writing practices and so I’m hoping that this will help me be more accountable (even though I didn’t come up with a new poem this week lol). For me (Mwende) I spend most of my time as a full time poet. Making art a profession though can sometimes take the joy out of it, so I want to use this as a space to create poetry that speaks to me and not to any specific projects or audiences.

FRENCH QUARTER: I love to shoot and create amazing visuals but sometimes finding the inspiration to carry out these projects could be exhausting. As I am finishing up my last semester of college my creative drive has been very low, especially with trying not to lose focus on the few assignments I have left till I graduate. Actually, it has been a struggle my whole college career. Deciding how much attention to give my school work over practicing my art has been my main struggle. Thankfully I have amazing friends who always push me to be creative especially when they see I’m slacking. This collaboration with Mwende and Denisio helped get me back in the creative spirit. As we walked the French quarters trying not to look too touristy, I found so much inspiration each step we took. Like I stated in the previous post, The French Quarters is always flowing with vivid colors, funky shapes, and rhythmic melodies all which help influence me as a creator. My advice from one creative to another is to never lose faith in your craft. Sometimes you might not be in the mood or can’t find anymore inspiration in your current project, but don’t give up; It happens to the best of us. Always try to surround yourself with other creatives who will all ways push you to keep creating or just surround yourself with people you love, who won’t give up on you no matter what. Stay true to yourself, and love what you do. 

She Works Hard for the Money

Photos by Malcolm Johnson | FEATURED FASHIONS #JuaKali #DOPEciety

Jua Kali: Still being founded by artist, pattern enthusiast & patternmaster Mwende “FreeQuency” Katwiwa, Jua Kali is a shapeshifting collection of Kenyan made clothing, jewelry and accessories for people of all genders and gender expressions. It is also one of many entrepreneurial effort to ensure Africans on the continent financially benefit from the recent resurgence of “African & African inspired”, and an effort to train young women in New Orleans in entrepreneurship through gig based employment and mentorship.

Dopeciety: Founded by artist/designer Denisio Truitt in 2013 as a t-shirt and women’s apparel line, DOPEciety now includes items for both men and women, bags, art prints, and occasional collaborations with other artists/designers. We are also an event production and curation team, featuring emerging vocalists, musicians, and visual artists through our flagship show, COUCHES, held intermittently at different locations in New Orleans.  www.dopeciety.com

Post Soundtrack: Donna Summer, She Works Hard for the Money

French Quarters:Growing up in Treme, the French Quarters were always apart of my backyard and as I got older always told, that area was for the tourist, and that I shouldn’t spend too much time down there. I did not understand why people were giving that particular area in the city so much restriction. I went to predominantly black school my whole life, so recognizing my blackness wasn’t an issue until I got to college. I attend a PWI and after a few weeks there, I had to take into account of my blackness in many situations. After my experiences in college, I realized why people told me, as a kid, not be hanging around in the quarters too often. As a creator, It’s hard to stay away from something that drives your creativity And the French Quarters are important to me for that reason. It is one of the few places that I can go to and get a creative energy from. The quarters are flowing with vivid colors, funky shapes, and rhythmic melodies all which influence me as a creator. Lately, I’ve been lacking motivation and creativity but with the push of this shoot and visiting the French Quarters with Mwende and Denisio, I got a lot of inspiration for the shoot and for future projects. Even though being a black male in public can be uncomfortable at times, I feel that as a creator, I can always go to the quarters and be comfortable. 

2 yr Ann. Afrobeat Party Recap!

Photos by Reiana Essex-Simmons

Special thanks to DJ CHRIS STYLES and NATTY BOOM for the Afrobeat vibes

and shoutout to our wonderful cosponsors (below)

Abstract NOLA | Africans in the Diaspora | Artist Journey Allen Studios | Atypical | CMHstyle | Noor | Verve Collective

DON’T FORGET TO JOIN US FOR OUR NEXT AFROBEAT PARTY…a BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION FOR FELA!

7.1.17 | 2 yr Ann. Afrobeat Party

#Noirlinians back with another Afrobeat party,another Afrobeat party,another Afrobeat party, this time though, its not just a party, it’s an anniversary celebration…

Noirlinians x #EssenceFest: #MyNOLAdiary

Photos by Paa Kwesi Yanful (@kwesithethird)

This year Noirlinians was invited by #EssenceFest to take over their Instagram account for a weekend to tell (Our) #MyNOLAdiary. We met up for an afternoon with Kwesi, one of our favorite local Ghanian photographers for this shoot with a twist…for once, we got to choose the locations of the shoot*.

| We are Noirlinians, and this is #OurNOLAdiary |

*in typical Noirlinians shoots/blog posts, local or New Orleans based Black photographers choose locations based on spatial narratives of Africaness/Blackness they know/want to tell around the New Orleans, which we consider ‘the most African city in the United States’.

Ladies First

Photos by Dawnie Marie

FEATURED FASHIONS – The Bombchel Factory: The Bombchel Factory is an African fashion wonderland that produces ethically made, high quality garments for sale in Monrovia, Liberia that was started by Archel Bernard, a Liberian-American whose parents fled civil unrest in the West African country. Our team of expert tailors and excited trainees can produce much more than we can sell locally, so we have set our sights on the rest of the world. This is not an NGO that is here today and gone tomorrow. We know Liberians don’t want handouts.  Our trainees will develop a trade and a way to support themselves and their families, and we will create gorgeous, contemporary African fashions for a global market.

                               

Post Soundtrack: Queen Latifah ft. Monie Love, Ladies First

New Orleans East: So I previously wrote about my ties to the city I love. So I suppose this time I shall tackle my black womanhood. A lot of people say they remember when they first realized they were black. I don’t think I can remember that, but what I do remember is my daddy always complementing me on my beautiful brown skin. He also made me aware that I was different. Ya know the “twice as good speech” all the time since elementary school. It was not until I have gotten older I realized that I am more than just black. I am a black woman. These two things are two parts of me, but cannot be separated. No matter how you slice it: I am a black woman or a woman who is black. We had this conversation on my show of how do you identify. What do you say first? My answer is a Black New Orleanian. I say it that way because, since I cannot separate being black and being a woman, WOMAN is implied. Same thing if I were to say I’m a woman, BLACK is implied. (And duh a proud New Orleanian) I cannot see how the two are different for me. I walk through this world as a black woman. And the older I get, the more I realize is that being a black woman is hard. You are constantly asked to choose between your race and your gender. Who’s side are you on? Personally, I’m on my side. Being a black woman comes with a lot of weight. We must be strong, but meek. In charge, yet subservient. We have to navigate the world tiptoeing and speaking in whispers. That is until you find your voice. You find what you wanna say and how you wanna say it. That’s a benefit of being a black woman, no matter what you are saying TRUST me you will make yourself heard. They will hear us. We are like your conscious. Guiding you so you don’t mess the hell up. Let’s be real, being a black woman isn’t all strife. Black women are amazing. Have you seen them?! (I mean look who’s blog you’re on.) I grow more anymore into who I am as a black woman everyday. I become more comfortable in my skin, my hair, my oddly curvy body and most importantly my voice. Compared to childhood me, who never thought she was girl enough or black enough. I laugh at that now. The black woman is not a monolith, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to be a black woman. I take my black womanhood as a badge of honor. A special one that only a few are able to get. Lucky me.

Immigrant

Photos by Phrozen Photography
Post Soundtrack: Immigrant (Sade)

The Treme (St. Augustine Church): The community of Treme can be described as colorful, vibrant, creative, strong, & diverse. Formally known by the French as Faubourg Treme this community is named after Claude Treme the Frenchmen who sold the land to the city of New Orleans so they could build sub divisions and sale plots for housing behind the much crowded French Quarters.  Treme was special from the start. From its inception Treme residents attracted a diverse group of residents such as Africans, Europeans, Haitian Creoles and Free people of color. Treme is the oldest African American neighborhood in the nation. The homes in Treme are truly unique ranging in style, size and color. From the creative womb of Treme and the Free Women of Color who resided and owned property there the Treme neighborhood  created and influenced many art forms in music, fashion, literature,  food, arts, dance and many more. Where else would I bring these two creative forces to capture their essence? While in Treme among the homes & culture built by Africans we were our natural and beautiful selves. I believe their energy connected with the space and place to create Noirlinian magic…

Control

Photos by Dawn Jefferson (Dawnie Marie)

Post Soundtrack: Control (Janet Jackson)

Bunny Bread Factory, New Orleans East: So I’m from the East. Yes, New Orleans East. Literally born & raised in the East. So I’m a legit East Beast. I know its strange, but I am proud of that. I mean I can’t lie and say I’m from Uptown, I’d be found out so quick. I call the East many things: “the land that care forgot” “hood suburbia” “the city’s step child” “the after thought”. Because to me that’s what it is. Let’s back track. When I was younger I felt ashamed to be from the East, because people think it’s lame. It’s not as hard as uptown or as fancy as the garden district. It’s just there. So I would say it and cringe with anticipation.All that changed when I was in college. I started to notice more and more that the New Orleans I love was rapidly changing. So of course the pride I had in my city transferred to where I am from in the city. I see it like this: the place i live in is uncared for. So who else can better care for it than me? Why do I not have pride in it? Maybe if I do, maybe others will begin to care. I’m from here. I can’t change it. I should care about it, especially if other people see it as a wasteland. So now I go hard for the East, like I go hard for the city.Maybe I shouldn’t care what other people think. Especially the new people coming in, who don’t appreciate all parts of New Orleans. You know that no matter what map I see of the city, the East is NEVER on it? Gentilly barely makes it. I even confronted someone about it. She was an artist, who made New Orleans themed goods. She gave me some weak excuse about using some other map as a reference. I wanted to yell I didn’t care, she clearly had space to add the rest of the ninth ward. I digress. I shouldn’t care, but I refuse to be erased.This kind of relates to how I live as a black woman. I have pride in my black womanness I have to love my black womanness. I have to refuse to be erased as hard as they try. I also have to work over time to be sure I am heard and seen. Which is what I need to start doing for the East and the city in general. The black community is fighting to be heard and seen. We need to have pride in the places where we are from, because if we don’t who else will.

10 Black Women in New Orleans to follow in 2017

We Are Family

Photos by Malik Bartholomew (Phrozen Photography)

Post Soundtrack: We Are Family

The Treme: I selected several sites in Treme and one of the site locations I selected was the underpass of the Claiborne Avenue Bride better known to native New Orleanians as “Under Da Bridge” or “Tha Bridge.” This site is extremely important historically and culturally to Black New Orleanians. Before the construction of the Claiborne Avenue interstate bridge the street Claiborne Avenue was home to the downtown black business district. Claiborne was also the home of a beautiful green lawn with handsome mature oak trees which lined the street for miles. This area became the most significant gathering spot for black Carnival (black activities during Mardi Gras Day) allowing for the culture of the Zulus, Black Mardi Gras Indians, Baby Dolls, Second Lines and street jazz to grow and thrive until 1966 when it was decided to place an interstate in the middle of this grand avenue. This action displaced a community, destroyed independent black owned businesses, eliminated green space from the urban landscape, and assaulted the culture & traditions of black New Orleans. After the interstate went up it was noted that the traditions of black carnival and the Treme community were never the same. However, as new generations of New Orleanians were born such as myself who never physically saw or experienced the grand oaks and green lawns of Claiborne Avenue but were still informed of the history of this special site and the importance of the continuation of our traditions. Black New Orleanians today maintained the cultural heritage of this space as it is still a very important gathering spot for black people on Mardi Gras, black marching bands, Black Mardi Gras Indians, Baby Dolls, Second Line Parades, festivals and much more. Additionally various artist have painted the various pillars of the bridge with images of our ancestors, the fallen oak trees and the history & culture of black New Orleans.  I could think of no better location to “phreeze” Noirlinians.

Human

Photos by Taylor DeClue

Post Soundtrack: Human (Tank and the Bangas)

Rooftop, Downtown New Orleans: Passion has been the word of the year for me . Tensions have risen high this year whether it be from the excess of murders i’ve had to witness to black men and women at the hands of police, the emotions of hate from these coming elections that have made racial tensions even higher  and most of all  taking a personal break from photography myself it has been one emotional roller coaster.  I was so happy to have heard from Denisio and Mwende again. They are two inspiring women who i enjoy shooting.  I chose the rooftop downtown because it has been a thinking spot for me in the past few months. I’ve felt like i had  been losing my passion for photography through all these mental barriers that I’ve carried. But in the past few weeks i realized passion is what makes us who we are .And if not expressed enough it can be detrimental.  As an artist to suppress our emotions would be to suppress ourselves. Though i hadn’t shot anything in months it was so freeing to have a morning talk on the rooftop and exchanging ideas and thoughts on the world. That passion for life and love and our people is what connects us best and what will keep this crazy world flowing in my opinion. Most importantly the talk that morning helped me to realize life is not worth living if you’re not putting your heart into what you do every single day.

Live and Die in Afrika

Photos by Kobby Waiyaki | The Skate Park: The skate park is one of the very rare things to find in Kenya .Most people don’t even know if Kenya owns a skate park since it is at an unexpected location. I chose this as my location since I have seen it grow from the very first day when skate aid-a skateboarding organisation based in Germany came to launch that they will be constructing a skate park in Nairobi . The design and all is what that really amazes me with the graffiti and all. 

Post Soundtrack: Live and Die in Afrika (Sauti Sol)

Daddy Lessons

Photos by Taylor DeClue | Jackson Square/ French Quarter: The French Quarter is one of Louisianas most popular attractions . It is what some would say the heart and soul of New Orleans . There you will find everything from artists to lovers. I chose this particular location because it is close to my heart . Around every corner you will find Spanish architecture similar to that of Latin American countries and musicians filling the background with a cinema- type vibe. Denisio and Mwende both have the artistic qualities which link perfectly with this enviroment . For me being an Afro Latina, this place brings me joy because the slaves imported from Africa to places such as this is what created the true dynamics of this area. Combining Latin and African culture speaks to me and shines down every path you meet in the Quarters Everything from the brightly colored walls to the pavement on the streets to the humidity in the air. You cannot walk into this place without truly feeling abroad while at home.

Post Soundtrack: Daddy Lessons (Beyonce)

#FEATUREDFASHIONS – Polished Brand (@designing_polishedbrand): My clothing was inspired by the woman on the go. She has to be comfortable in fit, but styled and chic. She doesn’t blend in, she stands out effortlessly. My personal journey with afrocentric clothing has been an evolutionary one, discovering  self thru style and vice versa. The people of New Orleans are an embodiment of this lifestyle. We embrace our culture and heritage in daily. It is a part of who we are without even realizing it. That deserves to be celebrated in every way, especially in clothing.